we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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