ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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