Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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