I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
