I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
