I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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