Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
