About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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