This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
