Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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