I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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