dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
