We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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