you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This is my gift to your gina
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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