We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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