Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
