How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
