Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who died my cat blue again?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
