I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
