Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
