just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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