I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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