I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
