I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need moral support for this bender
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
