i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
