well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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