It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
