Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
