I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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