just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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