I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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