Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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