He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
