Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
