what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
