Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
