dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
