your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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