What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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