Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
