Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
