Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
