i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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