Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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