Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
