I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
