Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
