Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
