the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
