Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
