I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize