It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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