just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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