talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
