it wasn't lemon gatorade
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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