he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
