So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
