the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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