"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
