I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
