lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Couch. On fire.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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