I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
