porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
