I didn't shave. On purpose
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
