why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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