thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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