It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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