I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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