question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
