there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
