i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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