He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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