I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
