ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
