I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
