Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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