weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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