Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
