But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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